Today is about reinforcing new routines and to put more things into action and stop thinking things through so much. This is a start. Writing stuff down. Realizing my habits and doing what I need to do to move forward. I spend way too much effort thinking up plans and wondering if they’ll work – trying to make them perfect and procrastinating to the point that I talk myself out of things never fulfilling that promise to myself not to ramble myself out of things.
This is my roughed-out schedule:
- Wake up early
- Get my kid ready and off to the bus
- Eat my own breakfast and tea
- Get myself showered, dressed and ready for the day
- Sit down and plan out my day (journal)
- Blog post on (?) Tuesdays
The first thing I need to do is get my weekly planner/journal going again.
Some truths about myself are:
- I just need to write thing out on paper. I need to see and physically do list on paper of else I will not remember. I get a kick out of writing a to-do list and crossing it off when it is done. I have tried so many times, so many calendar and list apps that it makes my head spin. Simple works best – the old standby of pen and paper. I am putting away my attempts to organize my life by fruitlessly downloading apps and trying to instill them in my daily routine. The technology is just too distracting and not productive for the way my brain works.
- I am a pack rat that needs to move on. This is not new to me. I’ve known this for a long time but what is new is understanding the impact that it really has on me. I feel trapped by how much stuff needs to be done (which really isn’t that much compared to what some people have to accomplish in a day). We have too much stuff in our house which we don’t need or want, and I get overwhelmed looking at it, struggling over what to do with it. Too many clothes to wash. Too many things to dust. To many bits of garbage and recycling to deal with. Too many things that I want to get rid of, sell, donate or up-cycle but am too busy taking care of the rest of the stuff that belongs here. Then there are the objects that have sad or bad energy – the ones that tell a sad story and are a reminder of something that doesn’t sit well. An example would be that gift that was given that slightly insulted you or came to your possession during a bad circumstance. For someone who is highly sensitive having these things around is just asking for it. What is its purpose in our house other than to remind me and bring me back into that moment. Those feelings all get dredged up every time I have to touch and move the associated object aside so I can reach some other item that I need.
And so it goes over and over… no wonder I feel spent by the end of the day. I ride an emotional roller coaster. This is what it is about – trying to find a path that is more easily traveled because that is how I will get to where I am going. That is a challenge.
Cleaning house and getting on the purging bandwagon. For the past year I have been working on shifting my mindset to this idea of simplifying our house and our lives. We are by no means extravagant people who go out a lot and have all the newest and finest, but we have somehow accumulated a lot of excess that really needs to go.
- I get totally bogged down by details. I am not a perfectionist. It is about myself and how the result of whatever I am doing. I am driven by what makes me comfortable. It is not about having it write or wrong. I accept and am perfectly fine knowing that there is never a correct way to do things and everyone has their own vision. I am not such an egotist that I think my way is the best. If I am picky about how I layout my spread sheet or what font I use, how I stack the dishes or sort the laundry, it is purely for selfish reasons. It is about how that impacts me and makes me feel.
I need to let go of some of that and find short cuts. Pick and choose my battles because like relationships we can only win some. Some you lose. The rest is compromise.